Your soul is aching for you to grieve.
Not just for this life, but the many lives passed. Not just for yourself, but for your ancestors, and the burden they carried just for you to be here. A flower cannot bloom if the clouds do not storm. Lifetimes of trauma are asking to be released. Silenced stories are asking to be heard. Nothing is about you, but the legacy you are carrying, and will get your children to carry when you are tired and weak. Then, the only way for the soul's survival is to allow for the cycle of grief once more. Grief is what keeps our honour alive.
Allow yourself to have moments of release. Let the tears you have been holding back flow. Honour your ancestors. Keep a token of them close. The word "Nirvana" comes from the word exhale. "Desire", inhale. Desire comes back after each exhale. Our bodies are constantly releasing. You can't inhale without an exhale.
Explore the art of grieving. The healing is in the grief.
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