We all experience feelings of envy from time to time, especially in the age of social media. While we cannot judge our emotions for arising naturally as they do, we can choose what emotions we hold onto, and which ones we let go. Envy does not serve us. Envy is essentially us feeling upset or angry that someone else has what we want. These feelings come from thoughts of lack rather than abundance: that there is not enough of what we want in the world to go around, whether that be health, positive relationships, success or money. Yet many of these things we envy are not material: they are energetic. From this point of view, there is enough to go around, it is just a matter of raising our vibration to attract the things we want. When we are envious, this comes from a belief that we cannot have what we want because others have it. Believing we cannot have it lowers our vibration, and pushes away these things, proving our negative thoughts to be true, and putting us in a cycle of constantly feeling that we do not have enough. I challenge you to let go of your envy by thinking through and implementing these changes to your thought patterns as outlined below.
Understand you do not have the full story about the life you envy, your envy is based on assumptions. It is especially easy to feel envy looking on social media. We may see our peers making triple our income and travelling the world, all with a hot body. But this is only the story we are shown. We have no idea what happens behind those pretty Instagram photos. Comparing ourselves to others this way is comparing our blooper reel to their highlight reel. We also can’t see on Instagram all the work it took for them to get there. We don’t see the grind and the sleepless nights. We also don’t see that it may have taken YEARS to get there. We also don’t see the struggles, the tragedy, the messy, ugly parts of their life they don’t want to show. At the end of the day, these people we envy are just as flawed as us, and also have bad days and struggles. Their struggles may be different from ours, but as humans, they are bound to have them.
Put yourself in the shoes of the person you envy. Imagine someone saying to you after you have worked years for your success, “Why is everything so easy for you? You’re so privileged, rich, you never had to struggle, and you have so many loyal fans. Why can’t I be more like you?” Pretty awkward, right? Also frustrating when people assume things about you? Even though you may not be saying these things directly to the person, imagine you are, and you’ll see how internalizing these thoughts isn’t rational. Another important point to note is that if you criticize the success of others, you criticize the success of yourself. If you see successful people as undeserving, that is how you will see yourself, and you won’t want to become that. So practice ultra-awareness over the language you use to describe successful people, and really question it. Ask yourself if that is how you would want others to see you if you were in their shoes.
Accept the unique pace and path of your life. I wrote about this here, but to summarize, everyone moves through their life differently, and the pace of your life is exactly as it’s meant to be. Besides, it would be pretty boring if everyone lived life exactly the same way. Whatever it is you are trying to manifest into your life, just trust it will happen, eventually. Letting go of your anxiety about not being good enough makes all the difference.
Know envy is not productive, feel it, but don’t marinate. One of my favourite thought leaders, Marie Forleo, talks about this with psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson. You can watch this interview here. My main takeaways regarding feelings of envy were this: comparing yourself to others is like taking shots of “Compareschläger”: it will make you sick in bed for days, with no clue about your own greatness (Marie’s words). I thought this was an amazing metaphor, next time you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, you can ask yourself, “Do I really need to take another shot of Compareschläger? Do I really want to wake up with that comparison hangover?” This isn’t to say you need to feel guilty every time you feel envious. Feelings are normal, and we can’t control feeling them, but we can control how we react. Feel and experience the envy, but then show it to the door. Envy doesn’t serve you. Do not dwell, just release.
Know your triggers and spend less time on social media. Become aware of when you really start to have feelings of envy. Chances are social media is your biggest trigger. If you have tried reframing your thoughts, yet you still feel intense jealously anytime you see a particular account on Instagram, unfollow them. It’s that simple. Social media should be to inspire and connect, not to make you feel inferior and isolated.
Reframe your envy. Don’t see other people’s success as something that happened to the person, but rather as something they created. Chances are, this is the truth.
Be inspired by other people’s success. If they can create success, so can you. Other people are showing you what’s possible, and this should be pretty inspiring.
Be happy and grateful for other people’s success. If you see a beautiful girl on Instagram, rather than feeling intense jealously that she’s not your girlfriend or you don’t look like her, try commenting “You look fabulous!” Another thing I like to do is if I see a successful artist with amazing work that I can’t help feeling a little jealous of, I will send them a private message about how much I love their work and how inspiring it is. Not only does this dissolve jealously, but it also brings good karma! If you see someone who is super fit on social media, think to yourself “I am grateful there are healthy people in the world, and this is one less person to die from obesity”. These small reframes make a huge difference! Change your envy to gratitude. If you can be happy for other people’s happiness, you will always be happy.
Awareness is always the first step to rewiring our brain’s natural reactions. If you can practice these new ways of looking at envy, you will turn your envy to gratitude, and attract what you thought you could never have. It really is that magical.
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